I know. Most people familiar with the song simply groan when they remember the lyrics. In our modern society of legalized abortion protected constitutionally by the U.S. Supreme Court’s ruling in Roe v. Wade, "Having My Baby" is anathema. Consider the following:
[Paul:]
The need inside you
I see it showin'
Whoa, the seed inside ya
Baby, do you feel it growin'
Are you happy you know it
That you're
[Both:]
Havin' my baby
And don’t forget this verse:
[Paul:]
Didn't have to keep it
Wouldn't put ya through it
You could have swept it from you life
But you wouldn't do it
No, you wouldn't do it
[Both:]
And you're havin' my baby
You may be wondering why I was so anxious for Samantha to "have my baby." The answer is quite simple. As some of you are already aware if you have been reading my blog, the stage at Bomber’s, located on the second floor of the building, overlooks Lark Street in Albany. There is a big window behind the singers. Really, it’s the entire wall. That’s a big window! And what is across the street from Bomber’s? Planned Parenthood! America’s original eugenics laboratory. http://www.plannedparenthood.org/get-involved/donate.htm
Samantha readily agreed to sing with me even though she was only somewhat familiar with the song. She’s just 21, after all. I told her that the female part wasn’t that big, that she would nail it as soon as she heard the song and that I would help her in any case.
I waited and waited for our turn. Greg, the deejay, hates the song. He told me so. I knew he would let me sing it though. That’s what friends are for.
Finally, I hear Greg announce - Samantha and Sid. We got up on stage and I was blissful. I had wanted to sing this song for weeks, but Samantha hadn’t been around. Last night, the stars were properly aligned.
We sang to each other as if we were deeply in love. Samantha likes drama as much as I do. That’s why I waited for her before performing the song at Bomber’s in front of a bevy of young, beautiful girls and their boyfriends. It was even funnier that I am so much older than Samantha. 28 years separate us. It was awfully nice of this young lesbian to accommodate me with my parenting aspirations. I was in good voice. I knew I would be. No way was I going to ruin this once in a lifetime opportunity. And as I hoped, Samantha sang her part to perfection. We gazed into each other’s eyes as we sang. It was so beautiful. And as I said before, little Samantha is a bit pudgy. She has somewhat of a belly. So, at the proper moment, as our eyes met, I reached out and touched her belly as I sang:
The need inside you
I see it showin'
Whoa, the seed inside ya
Baby, do you feel it growin'
I felt like I was in heaven. My dreams of parenting realized as I stood singing across the street from Planned Parenthood.
The song ended but I continued. I couldn’t help myself. I was caught up in the beauty of the moment. Of course, what came out of my mouth was typical Sid Stein.
"I really didn’t want her to keep it. I tried to get her across the street to Planned Parenthood but she just wouldn’t go. No doubt I will have Family Court to look forward to. I’m sure she’ll file a petition for child support. What a pain this is going to be! Let this be a lesson to you, kids."
As an aside, I feel I should tell you a little bit about Samantha. You may find it cute. She was at Pinto and Hobbs some time ago, standing near me at the bar. All of a sudden, she screamed with delight as she noticed a plastic Chinese "lucky cat" sitting among the bottles at the bar. A Chinese "lucky cat" is some sort of Buddhist good luck charm. Basically, it’s a gold colored chubby cat molded in a sitting up position. One of its paws is raised and can wave if you give it a little push. You can find them in any Asian store. They are made of cheap plastic. No doubt, they are made in China. Samantha screamed when she saw it because she has the exact same cat tattooed on the side of her torso. She lifted her shirt up high enough for everyone to see. It’s not an elaborate tattoo. It’s just a minimal drawing of the cat. It looks like something a kid might do. On Samantha, it occupied a lot of space on her small body. After she wandered off, a friend and I discussed what her cat might look like in 20 years. We came up with two possibilities. One - a roadmap. Two - varicose veins. What the hell was Samantha thinking? Whatever she was thinking, she is sweet and I am in her debt for helping me with the song.
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