Even before my book, “A Little on the Side,” was published, I knew that being Sid Stein was not going to be easy. Let me tell you how Sid was born. I recall a lovely summer day when I went with my ex-wife to a barbecue at the house of an Israeli woman she had befriended. My ex is Israeli and was quick to make friends with other Israelis who moved into the Albany, New York area where we lived. This particular Israeli woman was married to an American who was a stand-up comedian and part of a morning drive show on a local radio station. As he and I were chatting over beer, he asked me what I had been up to. Thinking that I should tell him something he might find humorous, I told him about my yet unfinished guide to cheating. His eyes lit up and said he had to get me on the radio. I protested mildly at first, but the prospect of being on the radio was exciting. Still, the book wasn’t finished yet and my ex didn’t even know that I was writing it. He told me all I needed was a pen name. Sid Stein was born.
Even though I had listened to my friend’s radio show many times and knew it to follow a typical morning drive show format, full of comedy, I had no idea what to expect when I went on air for the first time in my life. The show had all kinds of guests, including many authors hawking their books. By the same token, I never heard one who wrote about how to get away with cheating or even anything similar.
When I sat down in front of the microphone and put the headphones on, I was nervous. I wasn’t quite as nervous as I was went I first appeared in front of a judge as a new attorney, but I knew I was about to face a new court, the court of public opinion. There was also one additional wrinkle which added to my trepidation. My wife had no idea I was going to be on the radio. All she knew was that I went off to work a bit early. I hoped that no one would recognize my voice. The night before, I had even changed the station on our clock radio so there would be no chance of her hearing me in the morning. As my friend started his introduction of me to the radio audience, all I could think was “Am I fucking nuts?”
I wish I could play a recording of the show for you. It was hysterical. I instantly became hooked on radio. The absolute funniest aspect of my hour and a half voyage over the airwaves had to be the reactions of the women who called the show to scream at me. “Disgusting!” “Scumbag!” For the first time since I started writing, I became Sid Stein. I loved the controversy. It was energizing.
So, in the course of one morning, I learned about the controversy I could expect down the road. Quite simply, there are a lot of people out there who don’t like Sid Stein. Still, no matter what people said to me on the radio, it was only on the radio. Sid Stein is a pen name and I was pretty secure with the idea that no one could discern my real name.
Things changed after my book was published. I needed and wanted publicity and decided to host a book release party at a bar in downtown Albany. At this point, my ex knew about the book. There was no real reason to hide my identity except to the extent that I wanted to give my children plausible deniability. I really wanted them to be able to say. “Sid Stein? Who is that?” I didn’t give up my pen name, but people in Albany, New York who knew me certainly learned that I was Sid Stein, especially after I was interviewed on local television. It’s hard to deny face-recognition.
Most local people I encountered thought my book was funny. My only real critics were young women who still hoped to marry and live happily ever after. I would tell them to talk to me when they were in their forties after real life had beaten them down. For the most part, I found living as an author to be quite enjoyable. Some people knew me only as Sid Stein. Some couldn’t remember my name at all and would just stop me and ask - “Hey, aren’t you the guy who wrote that book?”
Still, there were detractors. I enjoyed jousting with them as well. After all, without them, there would be no controversy. And who doesn’t need a little controversy? Controversy is essential to creating interest and helps to foster sales.
I fondly remember one confrontation which occurred at the local offices of the American Red Cross where I was donating blood one day. In case you never donated blood before, and I encourage you to do so, the Red Cross has a protocol for donors. They ask you many screening questions to make sure that your blood is safe. Of course, they test every donation for HIV, etc., but it makes sense to eliminate a potential unsafe donor before expending their limited resources testing his or her blood. If you are interested in donating blood and doing at least one good thing in your life, check out the website for the Red Cross. http://www.redcross.org/
So, there I was, about to donate blood. The phlebotomist was ready as I hopped up onto the stretcher and lay down. Now, before they get started with inserting the needle into your arm, they show you the chart they have for you and then ask you to state your name again. I don’t know why they ask for your name yet again, but they do. I can’t imagine why anyone would attempt to give blood as another person. After all, they don’t pay you for it. When the woman asked for my name, I responded by saying that I was Sid Stein. Of course, I made it clear that I was only kidding, and the phlebotomist had no problem with me joking around. I wasn’t prepared for what I heard next though. “Sid Stein! You’re Sid Stein? I hate you. My husband bought your book. You disgust me!” The tirade came from another donor who was lying on a nearby stretcher and was about to give blood herself. “I don’t want to give blood if he is going to be here!” Admittedly, I was caught off guard and was sincerely sorry to hear that someone wouldn’t give blood if I was in the room. Then, the woman started laughing and explained that her husband, a friend of my father, had bought a book at my local book signing. She added that her husband was there to donate blood as well. I immediately recognized him and we all had a good laugh. I admire people who can tease me so well. Still, I don’t think that she liked my book all that much.
As a new author, I was enjoying the attention and the controversy my book brought. It was fun debating the premises in my book with people I met. One day, however, my enjoyment soured as I was going through the mail at my law office. As you all know much too well, the world abounds with junk mail. Your mailbox at home is inundated by it on a daily basis. It’s no different at an office. I assume you do what I do with mail. I prioritize it as it comes in. It’s easy to identify bills. We all know to whom we owe money. Mail I received from law offices was equally easy to identify. Each has a prominent return address with the name of the lawyer or firm and a local address. Although I had cases in other cities besides just Albany, they were still local. On this particular day, one envelope caught my attention because the return address was a post office box from New York City. I never practiced in New York City, so knew it didn’t require my immediate attention. And, as you can see, it certainly didn’t look like a bill. Since I was busy with other things, I put it aside to open later. Here’s a picture of the envelope.
I wish I had opened the letter immediately. I was shocked and disturbed by what I found inside it. Here is a copy of the letter.
The letter itself doesn’t offer much information. It is on NAMBLA letterhead and requests that I confirm my application for membership in the organization. Maybe you are wondering what NAMBLA is. I wasn’t. I already knew. And if you already know, then you can imagine my shock and surprise. For those of you not in the know, NAMBLA is an acronym for the North American Man/Boy Love Association. And, no, Sid Stein is not into little boys. That fact is well documented.
You might be wondering how I knew about NAMBLA. Well, that’s thanks to the sex scandal in the Catholic Church. I am not sure if thanks is the right word, but the publicity surrounding that tragic story included an item about NAMBLA. In February of 2005, defrocked priest Paul Shanley was convicted on charges of child molestation. As early as 2002, it came to light that Father Shanley attended the 1978 founding conference of NAMBLA. So, a mere six months after the conviction, while news of Father Shanley and NAMBLA were still relatively fresh in my mind, I received a letter from the organization.
Here is a link to a Wikipedia article about NAMBLA. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/NAMBLA If you want more information, then try NAMBLA’s own website. http://www.nambla.org/
As it turns out, there was a local connection to NAMBLA which I just discovered from my Google research for this story. In 1991, a local child psychologist, Alan Horowitz, was convicted on 34 counts of child molestation. He lived in nearby Schenectady County. Making matters worse, he was an ordained rabbi even though he didn’t serve in that capacity. According to the Wikipedia article, he wrote for NAMBLA while he was in prison. Apparently, in some circles, he was known as the NAMBLA rabbi. After serving 13 years of a 20-year sentence, he violated his parole and fled to India. He was captured by U.S. Marshals and eventually returned to jail. Here is a website article about his capture. http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/07/09/child.molester/index.html He was even on the television show America’s Most Wanted. http://www.amw.com/fugitives/brief.cfm?id=41997 And no, I didn’t know him. I do remember the publicity surrounding his conviction and his subsequent capture.
DISCLAIMER: IN NO WAY DOES SID STEIN ENDORSE THE PHILOSOPHY OF NAMBLA. REALLY! I SWEAR!
Hey wait a minute! Didn’t I just write that I was sent a letter asking me to confirm my application for membership in NAMBLA? I suppose you want me to address that issue. I think it’s about time I did.
Together with the letter from NAMBLA was a copy of a letter which was sent to NAMBLA. Here is a copy of the notorious “application.”
Of course there is no way for you to know, but the handwriting is not mine. Not even close. And just in case you are thinking of sending anything to my address, I have news for you. I have moved. Nothing to do with this NAMBLA business though.
As you can see, someone sent $35.00 to NAMBLA in my name. Who would do such a thing? Was it just a practical joke? I tried to think which friend of mine might waste $35.00 to “punk” me. No one came to mind. Then I wondered how it was paid. Did someone steal a check from my office? Admittedly, I have never been the best accountant and it was conceivable that a check might be missing.
Of course, I wanted answers right away. There was no telephone number listed on the letterhead. I imagine the people at NAMBLA don’t want crank calls, even though I now see on their website that they have voicemail services in New York City. At the time, I didn’t even think about looking at their website. Peter Herman, the membership secretary, did include an email address on his letter. I immediately sent an email advising him that I did not send the “application” and told him emphatically that I did not want to be a member of NAMBLA. I also asked him how payment was made and told him that I feared that someone had stolen one of my checks.
Peter Herman left a message on my cell phone the following day advising me that I would not be listed as a member of NAMBLA and that the membership dues were paid for with a money order. My checkbook was safe! I wish I could replay his message for you, but after having saved the message for quite a long time on my cellphone, it was eventually deleted by Verizon. Just as well. Peter Herman had one of the creepiest voices I have ever heard. That’s not really surprising when you think about it.
Feeling secure now that I knew no one had stolen one of my checks, I waited to hear from the jokester. I was positive that someone was ready to have a big laugh at my expense. I waited and waited and waited. No call came. No letter. No one said anything to me personally when I was out and about. I asked my closest friends about it. Most hadn’t even heard of NAMBLA. That was reassuring. I mean, it was quite a relief that my closest friends were not pedophiles. At least not that they are willing to admit.
Months went by and not a word from anyone. That means there can only be one conclusion. Someone who knew I was Sid Stein wanted to and paid $35.00 to impugn my integrity. I know what you’re thinking. Sid Stein? Integrity? Okay, maybe that’s a stretch, but still, pedophilia isn’t even on my radar screen. There was a Sid Stein hater out there somewhere. I had a bona fide enemy!! I admit it; it’s kind of neat having an enemy. I still wish I knew who it was and why they chose NAMBLA as the potential engine for my demise.
There is only one clue about the identity of my enemy. If you look at the envelope used by the perpetrator of this attempt to ruin me, you will notice that he or she used a stamp commemorating the Muslim festival of Eid, which marks the end of Ramadan. It's significant because in my other life, I was publicly vocal about my support for Israel during the second Intifada and wrote many letters to the editor at the Albany Times Union stating my views on the Israeli-Palestinian crisis. Over the period of three or four years, more than twenty letters of mine appeared in print. I even had running feuds with a few pro-Palestinian letter writers. To be fair, though, it is unlikely that any of those people knew that I was Sid Stein. Still, who buys Eid stamps? I assume that most Christians buy Christmas stamps and most Jews buy Chanukah stamps. Was my enemy devious enough to try to throw me off his trail by using an Eid stamp and hoping I would blame an Arab? Ironically, yours truly once bought a set of Eid stamps. I may be a supporter of Israel, but I am not anti-Arab. That being said, I cannot think of any Arab or Muslim I know who would want to enroll me as a member in NAMBLA. The mystery continues.
I must ask. What if this person had been successful in enrolling me as a member? What if I had never opened that envelope? Just what was this person’s plan? Was he or she going to expose me as a lover of little boys? Just how would that have been accomplished? Did this person have access to NAMBLA’s membership list? Even if the attempt had been successful, my gilded NAMBLA certificate of membership would have been sent to my office. Was it someone in the building? The postman? The identity of my enemy is still a mystery. I find that frustrating. What good is having an enemy if you don’t know who it is? There really isn’t any fun in that. After all, I do give this person a modicum of credit for the attempt. Membership in NAMBLA would be pretty damning and would dash any hopes I had for being appointed to the United States Supreme Court or for any elective office. On the other hand, wouldn’t the fact that I am the author of “A Little on the Side” also thwart any dreams I may have had for public service? Imagine the Senate confirmation hearings. No doubt some Senator from a state like Kansas would ask: Isn’t it true that you wrote a book about how to get away with cheating on your wife? Considering that Clarence Thomas survived the Anita Hill scandal, maybe it wouldn’t matter after all. Besides, what office would I be qualified for? Secretary of Homeland Security? I wouldn’t even qualify as Secretary of Bedroom Security, let alone the entire country. Is there a Department of Internal Affairs? Secretary of the Interior sounds good though. My book is about deception and how to get away with things. Maybe I could become Director of the C.I.A. Sid Stein – Supreme Spook!
Fortunately, I haven’t been troubled by any more NAMBLA issues. That’s not to say that I haven’t been embroiled in any other controversies as Sid Stein. There have been a number of good ones, and hopefully, you’ll read about them soon.
One last thing. Check out the stamps on the envelope. Notice the dinosaur? Don't little boys just love dinosaurs?! Hey little boy, want to go see the new Jurassic Park movie?
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